Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
