Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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