I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
