you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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