Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
