Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We left the knife in your bed.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize