Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
