exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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