no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
