i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
