am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
