it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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