dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
