When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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