I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
