yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
