He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am available for nakedness
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
