Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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