I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
