It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
