youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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