Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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