I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
