i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
