Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
