1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
