I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
