once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
