I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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