Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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