If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
