DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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