Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
