we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
