i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
