So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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