Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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