words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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