Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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