She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
