tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
