Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
