I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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