So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
