I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my sisters under your porch take her home
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
