My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
