If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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