I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish you could order shots online.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
