You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize