I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
