her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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