Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
