I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
