New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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