So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
