Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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