Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Even my vagina gasped.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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