Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
