Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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