I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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