I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
