My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize