I didn't shave. On purpose
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
