You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
