Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You're like the curious george of whores
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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