she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
