"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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