you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
