I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
