I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
