No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fill condoms, not promises.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
