Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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