mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
