Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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