At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
