she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
