youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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