i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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